Wow, first day back to school since my last class ended. As I said before, this is another hurdle I will have to face as I keep going in my smoke-free life. Really want to have a smoke after completing something. In this case, completing my first class. I must remember, cigarettes are not a celebration or a reward. All they do is take, take, take. They take you away from others as you isolate yourself to smoke. They take your breath away with every puff you take. They slowly take your looks town the tube with every puff as well.
I asked my mother once what cancer was like. She was the one who took care of my Grandmother towards the end of her battle with lung cancer. She said that it was like someone slowly taking your breath away. I didn't coprehend this concept until the last part of my smoking days. I have asthma, and smoking was certainly in the process of doing this to me.
Today, after 2 weeks of not smoking, I walked to the dog park, which is down the street from my house. I wouldn't have even thought of attempting this before because #1, cold weather/air makes my asthma act up and I would be hacking all the way. #2, the road that the park is on is shaped kind of like a 'U', so you're looking at climbing some hills going there and back. I didn't think I could do this without getting out of breath.
Well, guess what? I did it. And better yet, I could breathe! No coughing, no pausing, no inhaler afterwards. Pretty awesome. They say you don't know what you have til it's gone. I say, you don't know what you had until it's gone...and then get it back again. Yes, my muscles are sore, buts that's a light price to pay for breathing like I used to.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day 15...Back to school
So, today's day 15. Made it past the 2 week mark, yay me!
Tonight's my first night back to school as classes start up again. This will be a new challenge, as I used to smoke my way through class (I take online classes), and I would really chimney it up while doing homework.
My biggest challenge with this, is that I won't have that cigarette time for the mental break I need during big projects or tasks, like homework. I have to find something else to do to break up the monotony of things that take a long time. Right now I can't think of anything except for walking around the block. But I'm not gonna do that after dark. I live in a pretty good neighborhood, but a couple of blocks away you might run into trouble. So, that's not happening.
I'm back on the crocheting bandwagon again, got a lot done today. I'm making a blanket for my dad...who lives in California...it can get chilly at night! His birthday is coming up and I have no money. This is all I can think to give. At the very least, he'll use it for padding on his desk chair, or maybe mom will confiscate it and use it for a dog blanket. Whatever.
Tonight's my first night back to school as classes start up again. This will be a new challenge, as I used to smoke my way through class (I take online classes), and I would really chimney it up while doing homework.
My biggest challenge with this, is that I won't have that cigarette time for the mental break I need during big projects or tasks, like homework. I have to find something else to do to break up the monotony of things that take a long time. Right now I can't think of anything except for walking around the block. But I'm not gonna do that after dark. I live in a pretty good neighborhood, but a couple of blocks away you might run into trouble. So, that's not happening.
I'm back on the crocheting bandwagon again, got a lot done today. I'm making a blanket for my dad...who lives in California...it can get chilly at night! His birthday is coming up and I have no money. This is all I can think to give. At the very least, he'll use it for padding on his desk chair, or maybe mom will confiscate it and use it for a dog blanket. Whatever.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wow, Day 13 already?
So, I just checked the calendar, it is actually day 13!! Almost 2 weeks. My first day without cigarettes was January 20. Today is February 1. Counted it on my fingers a few times to be sure I wasn't dreaming. Yep, it's day 13. Crazytown!
So, I've been getting lots of encouragement from family and my facebook "friends", which has been very helpful. But, I need to find some kind of reward for myself. Something that doesn't cost a lot of money either, would be good.
For the past few days, I've been getting these "all of a sudden" urges to smoke. They are the kind that come when I do normal tasks that have always, until this point, been followed with a smoke. Eating breakfast this morning, for example. My brain was telling me, OK, time for a smoke now. It's so weird that these urges are "talking" to me, and that I can recognize them for what they are. I have to literally say to myself in my head, "Wait a second, you don't do that anymore!". And then after a minute or 2 it passes.
I think I am realizing just how much mental strength it takes to not let yourself take even one drag. If only I could have just one. But, like crack... and Pringles, for that matter, that is not the case. Once you pop, you can't stop (lol). So, I must remind myself that just one drag would inevitably lead to me going right back to where I was a mere 13 days ago.
I once had a co-worker years ago at Sears teleservice center in Madison, WI. She was a much older woman, with grandkids and all that. She was what you would call a hard-ass type of woman, a very hard worker, not afraid to get dirty, etc. I can't remember her name...maybe Virginia? Anyways, I asked her once what made her stay quit after years of smoking and then quitting. She said that quitting was so miserable for her, that she never wanted to go through that experience again. I, at that point (age 22 I think) was smoking like a chimney, with no health or other consequences in sight yet. I couldn't possibly comprehend what she was saying...until now.
I'm glad I remebered her words, even if the reason I did was that the concept she spoke of was so foreign to me at that time. Quitting something you love, something you and others identify you with, is miserable. Despite the health consequences, it was something I enjoyed doing very much...to an extent. Smoking gave me instant friends, as well as disguising itself as a friend. It let me be myself, by myself. The veil of smoke protected me, as I hung out in unfamiliar situations with unfamiliar people. Definetely a crutch.
The hardest part about this whole thing, is just learning to BE. Without any aid, crutch, veil, disguise, or mask.
One thought that has been on my mind lately, is if I'm ever going to be able to have my beloved margarita again. I know I will, but I miss them. How long will it be? I don't know. Maybe I'll attempt one after I am through with the patches. It'll be summer by then, perfect time for a big salty one! So, I guess I can look forward to that.
My in-laws neighbor's downfall was alcohol. She was doing great, and formed a new addiction to blow-pops to satisfy the oral craving. However, a few months in, she went to a concert, got toasted, and smoked. It was downhill from there. She started bumming smokes every now and then, and little by little, slipped back into her old habbits. She is now a smoker, once again. She also started to gain weight. Weight gain was her license, in her mind to go back to it.
I haven't really noticed any weight gain yet. I'm hoping it doesn't come. That would really suck. Especially as I will be entering a job in the medical field. I will be a medical office administrator when I'm done with school. This is one of the many reasons to quit smoking. How could you possibly be a smoker (and overweight) being in a field that is built on health? I would just feel like a fraud if I couldn't get a handle on these things.
While on the subject of health...........screw it, I'm gonna talk about it. (Back story: whenever something really good might happen, if I talk about it, it usually falls through somehow. ) But, this particular thing is taking so long, I don't think it will happen anyway. So, whatever. My husband's co-worker's wife has an old treadmill that she was willing to give to me, for nothing. She always has the latest and greatest, and just got a new one. So, I got my husband to talk his co-worker into letting me have the old one. I want a treadmill so bad I can taste it! I want a treadmill, because that's always been my excercise of choice. Go ooutside, you say? Um ya, notta fan of icy sidewalks, thanks anyway. I am not a gym or a DVD kind of person. A Wii fit would be a dream, but...ya it's a dream. Anyways, this mystery treadmill has yet to show up here. This co-worker also tends to be extremely flakey. He's been invited over 3 times, and has yet to show up, even after saying he's coming. So, I like him, but I don't beleive a word out of his mouth until I see action. Same goes for this treadmill. He's supposed to talk to his neighbor to borrow a truck to get it over here. I told my husband, "Let's just borrow your brother's truck and go get it ourselves!" But no, I'm supposed to be patient and forget about it, because he "has a plan". This has been going on since before Christmas. So, I'm holding out hope that something will magically happen in time for my birthday (February 18), then I give up!! I'll scrape my pennies together myself so I can buy it my damn self. Why do people get you excited, just to let you down? Frustration!!
I love these blog thingees! It's so helpful to just empty your brain into the keyboard!
Update: My father-in-law confirmed that he is, in fact, taking a Chantix-like medication to help him quit smoking. YAY! I'm so happy he's doing this! If he can do it, anyone can!
So, I've been getting lots of encouragement from family and my facebook "friends", which has been very helpful. But, I need to find some kind of reward for myself. Something that doesn't cost a lot of money either, would be good.
For the past few days, I've been getting these "all of a sudden" urges to smoke. They are the kind that come when I do normal tasks that have always, until this point, been followed with a smoke. Eating breakfast this morning, for example. My brain was telling me, OK, time for a smoke now. It's so weird that these urges are "talking" to me, and that I can recognize them for what they are. I have to literally say to myself in my head, "Wait a second, you don't do that anymore!". And then after a minute or 2 it passes.
I think I am realizing just how much mental strength it takes to not let yourself take even one drag. If only I could have just one. But, like crack... and Pringles, for that matter, that is not the case. Once you pop, you can't stop (lol). So, I must remind myself that just one drag would inevitably lead to me going right back to where I was a mere 13 days ago.
I once had a co-worker years ago at Sears teleservice center in Madison, WI. She was a much older woman, with grandkids and all that. She was what you would call a hard-ass type of woman, a very hard worker, not afraid to get dirty, etc. I can't remember her name...maybe Virginia? Anyways, I asked her once what made her stay quit after years of smoking and then quitting. She said that quitting was so miserable for her, that she never wanted to go through that experience again. I, at that point (age 22 I think) was smoking like a chimney, with no health or other consequences in sight yet. I couldn't possibly comprehend what she was saying...until now.
I'm glad I remebered her words, even if the reason I did was that the concept she spoke of was so foreign to me at that time. Quitting something you love, something you and others identify you with, is miserable. Despite the health consequences, it was something I enjoyed doing very much...to an extent. Smoking gave me instant friends, as well as disguising itself as a friend. It let me be myself, by myself. The veil of smoke protected me, as I hung out in unfamiliar situations with unfamiliar people. Definetely a crutch.
The hardest part about this whole thing, is just learning to BE. Without any aid, crutch, veil, disguise, or mask.
One thought that has been on my mind lately, is if I'm ever going to be able to have my beloved margarita again. I know I will, but I miss them. How long will it be? I don't know. Maybe I'll attempt one after I am through with the patches. It'll be summer by then, perfect time for a big salty one! So, I guess I can look forward to that.
My in-laws neighbor's downfall was alcohol. She was doing great, and formed a new addiction to blow-pops to satisfy the oral craving. However, a few months in, she went to a concert, got toasted, and smoked. It was downhill from there. She started bumming smokes every now and then, and little by little, slipped back into her old habbits. She is now a smoker, once again. She also started to gain weight. Weight gain was her license, in her mind to go back to it.
I haven't really noticed any weight gain yet. I'm hoping it doesn't come. That would really suck. Especially as I will be entering a job in the medical field. I will be a medical office administrator when I'm done with school. This is one of the many reasons to quit smoking. How could you possibly be a smoker (and overweight) being in a field that is built on health? I would just feel like a fraud if I couldn't get a handle on these things.
While on the subject of health...........screw it, I'm gonna talk about it. (Back story: whenever something really good might happen, if I talk about it, it usually falls through somehow. ) But, this particular thing is taking so long, I don't think it will happen anyway. So, whatever. My husband's co-worker's wife has an old treadmill that she was willing to give to me, for nothing. She always has the latest and greatest, and just got a new one. So, I got my husband to talk his co-worker into letting me have the old one. I want a treadmill so bad I can taste it! I want a treadmill, because that's always been my excercise of choice. Go ooutside, you say? Um ya, notta fan of icy sidewalks, thanks anyway. I am not a gym or a DVD kind of person. A Wii fit would be a dream, but...ya it's a dream. Anyways, this mystery treadmill has yet to show up here. This co-worker also tends to be extremely flakey. He's been invited over 3 times, and has yet to show up, even after saying he's coming. So, I like him, but I don't beleive a word out of his mouth until I see action. Same goes for this treadmill. He's supposed to talk to his neighbor to borrow a truck to get it over here. I told my husband, "Let's just borrow your brother's truck and go get it ourselves!" But no, I'm supposed to be patient and forget about it, because he "has a plan". This has been going on since before Christmas. So, I'm holding out hope that something will magically happen in time for my birthday (February 18), then I give up!! I'll scrape my pennies together myself so I can buy it my damn self. Why do people get you excited, just to let you down? Frustration!!
I love these blog thingees! It's so helpful to just empty your brain into the keyboard!
Update: My father-in-law confirmed that he is, in fact, taking a Chantix-like medication to help him quit smoking. YAY! I'm so happy he's doing this! If he can do it, anyone can!
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