It's been long enough that I'm losing track of time....quit Jan. 20....

Wow, I've been up to my eyeballs in homework today.  And as with any homework, but espeically for school that 100% online, it's A LOT of typing!  So, about 2 minutes ago, after typing away for several hours of the day, I shouted downstairs to my husband, ".....I'VE GOT BLISTERS ON ME FINGERS!!!"

OK, you will only find that mildly funny if #1, you know the Pink Floyd song that it references, or #2 you're a Family Guy fan; Stewie also shouts this out after playing a banjo song.  And Stewie is only funny if you know the Pink Floyd song......but I digress.

So, what's new? Nothing too exciting to talk about lately.  Just doing lots of homework, trying to catch up from my meltdown period when I was almost incapable of bathing because I was so out of it.  Now that I've "recovered" from that episode, it almost feels as if it's another person I'm talking about.  Chemical imbalances are just bizarre; they can make you think certain ways, do certain things, react to others differently then you would when you are "yourself".  Whoever that is, right?

Oh, I do have some good news.  I have recently been connected with a mental health facility in my area that works with broke people like myself.  I must have made 20 calls to different places.  They were all booked, not taking any new patients, didn't work with people from my city, it went on and on.  Very discouraging.  Even more discouraging when you're in the middle of a meltdown and the sky is falling regardless of these phone calls.  But, I've got to hand it to my wonderful mother-in-law, she found me each and every one of those numbers, including the one that finally worked!  She really is my second mom, she's great at helping you find your way through just about anything. I'm one of the lucky ones who really like my in-laws.  Anyway,I was so relieved and excited when I heard the news that I could "get in" to start some kind of treatment, it was great.  I cannot actually see anyone until early April. The appointment I had last week was only pperwork. But the guy at the counter told me not to feel too bad, because all the people I saw in the waiting area weren't getting in until May.  Yep, that worked, I didn't feel quite so bad.

On top of this, as a last resort, I contacted the previous doctor I had in Wisconsin to beg and plead with her to give me just one more prescription for the medication I take.  When you have a mood or emotional disorder, things can go drastically wrong when you don't have the medicine you need to even out all those chemicals in the noggin, hence the "episode" I recently had.  I received the email a few days ago that my merciful former doctor had called in 3 more months worth of medication for me!  I just about jumped out of my seat, as I sat in the car, reading the email from my phone. ("....You can't always get what you want.....but if you try sometimes...you might find....you get what you need!") Relief is in sight!


If you or anyone you know may be struggling with bi-polar disorder, I encourage you to check out this link so you can at least know what to look for and what to do about it.
The basics of bi-polar disorder and more...

They say bad things come in three's right?  I believe that's true for good things,too.  I've had 2, wonder what the third will be......hmmmm.

So, now, I just have to bide my time until that first appointment with a therapist.  I do miss therapy, it really does help.  I mean, the person who you talk to is trained and PAID to listen to your problems and offer suggestions.  Does it get any better?  I never understood these people who thought there was something wrong with therapy, I think it's great.  But, on the down side, it means that since it's someone I have not seen before, I have to go through the emotional mud as I describe my problems, short-comings, and feelings. Yuck, I hate going to "that place" you know, it a downer, for lack of a better word.  But right now, I am optomistic that it'll be a good thing.  Can't really get a whole lot worse, right?....Don't answer that, lol.

5 weeks, 5 days...Stepping down

Hello, everybody. In a few days, I'll will be "stepping down" to step 2 on the nicotine patch program.  Kind of exciting, kind of scary.  Am I ready for this?  Am I ready to leave my security blanket of full-strength nicotine?  I've had 2 relapses during this whole time.  The last one, I did not enjoy at all. I was more in a "f-it" kind of mood that day.  And it was really not a nice thing at all.  I felt the harshness of all the chemicals in full force.  I had a headache shortly afterwards.  So, while I am still mentally hooked on the physical habit of smoking, I am no longer enticed by the chemical "pay-off" a cigarette would produce.  There's just no good reason to do it at all for me.  And I just keep thinking, ASTHMA,ASTHMA, ASTHMA, choke, cough, cough,choke.  I don't want to go there again.  I'm grown, I don't have to, any you can't make me!I'm shouting at the pack of cigarettes in my head, not you, lol.

Anyway, it looks like I am having Good n'Plenty candy for dinner tonight.  My husband stopped off at my brother-in-law's house after work, so I got out of dinner duty, yay!  I don't know what it is, but since we've moved into this house, I feel the obligation to make dinner, like it's my duty or something.  Now, I know it's 2010, and that obligation no longer holds water, but none-the-less, I feel it.  Also, I am no good at cooking, even though I try.  I can make chicken at least 10 different ways, haha.  But cookies?  Forget it, they always come out as horrible little fried patties of I don't know what. I still force down a few though, because I know there's chocolate chips in there somewhere, lol. As much as I wish I was naturally talented in the kitchen,and as a homemaker in general, I feel that I do not posses that "homemaker gene".  Do you know what I mean?  I can clean like nobody's business, but I am far from a whiz in the kitchen.

My mother claims, of course, that she's offered many times to show me how to cook, but I never took her up on it.  I think it was probably because she was so busy ordering my sister and I around to make the house look so clean that it appeared as though no one lived there.  Now, that quality (cleaning demon) I know I have! Oh, the twisted effects our mothers have on us!