So, I just watched the movie "Thank You For Smoking".  Interesting. I have to say that I agree with the main character's point at the end of the movie.  He's sitting before some kind of senate committee and being grilled about the moral responsibility of "big tobacco", while they're discussing putting a poison label on cigarette packs.  He basically says that tobacco has the right to have their business exist, with this being America (free enterprise and such).  But it's the responsibility of parents and teachers to educate young people about the dangers of smoking. 
I wonder if I would have ever picked up my first cigarette if the women of major importance in my life had never smoked.  While they did tell me it was wrong and that I shouldn't do it (kind of like "do what I say, not what I do"), but they were adults and had the freedom to do whatever they wanted.  This of course, at my young age, equalled coolness, and something that I aspired to be (cool and an adult).  So, if that's what they chose to do, with all the freedoms presented with adulthood, what cooler thing in the world was there?
Just had a thought, how sad is it that all the females in my life that I have looked up to have been smokers?  That really says a lot, doesn't it? There's my Mom, who quit when I was about 11 or 12.  I remember begging her to roll down the window more as she puffed away in the car.  Then years later, I remember stealing a drag or two off her cigarette that she let lay in the ashtray burning as she attended to something in the other room (sorry Mom). And then there's Gramma, who eventually died from smoking.
Other women (girls at the time) that I looked up to were Cherie Catencamp.  I don't know why I remember her name so well.  But she was the first person to ever smoke with me.  We used to ride around on our bikes, picking up any salvagable cigarette butts from the streets of the neighborhood (GROSS! Can't believe I did that) and then high-tail it to the school yard to puff away in all our secret glamour.  Her older sisters smoked also, and they were just the coolest thing since sliced bread, because one of them went to a Prince concert and got hit on by a bandmember.  Haha, the things we used to think were cool, right?  Anyway, it wasn't all bad, knowing her.  She introduced me to microwaved marshmellows (an evilly delicious treat), and I saw Saturday Night Live for the first time at her house at a sleepover.  I could barely keep my eyes open, but I wanted to see it so bad, because, you know, the COOL kids watched it all the time.
This all happened in 5th grade, believe it or not.  I didn't inhale until middle school, but I'll get to that girl in a bit. 5th grade...the first time I heard "smoker" as an accusation.  I felt like an outcast because everyone knew what I was doing.  At the same time, of course, this is when my rebellious nature began to develop against anything automatically considered "normal" or "right".  At least I was known for something.  It's a whole lot better then feeling invisable.
As  I attended middle school, I naturally gravitated to the "bad" crowd.  They were rebels, who did what they wanted, when they wanted. Which, if you know my mother, is a very attractive in contrast to my home life (sorry Mom). Besides that though, if you don't know already, these "bad" people, and I'm talking about "bad" people in general of all ages, the tattooed, motorcycle riding, booze-chugging bad-asses of the world are the most unassuming, open-minded people I have ever met.  At least that has been my experience so far. Their loud way of dressing, their wild hair, and rebelious ways are really just trying to overtly distract you from their insecurities, for the most part.  So, it makes sense that this type of person would be more accepting, and easier to be friends with. If you're open to them, they return the favor, is what I'm saying. Anyway, there was this girl, Roxy.  I think her real name was Rhonda.  But, of course, Roxy is much more bad-ass.  Picture Samantha Fox as a middle-schooler.  For the youngins, picture if Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears had a baby.  She was just the epitomy of cool to me.  I never really knew much about her, but everything about her screamed I'm cool, I do what I want, and I love aqua net!  And of course, she was never without a cigarette before school, down the block a bit so the teachers would see "the smokers".  And I was happy to join her, and thrilled she let me.
The most influencial person in my "smoking career" was a Miss Angie Schultz.  This was 8th grade, now. This is the one who taught me how to inhale.  Another girl that was, in my opinion, the coolest girl in the school.  She always wore the Guess jeans, always had the cute purses, hair-do, one of the most popular girls in school as well.  And, of course, I was thrilled that she took a liking to me, and decided to take me "under her wing".  We were working on a project for choir, and decided to go over a silly dance routine at her house.  On the way there, we stopped at this Country Buffet-type diner that had a cigarette machine. We got a pack without getting caught, and walked over to the baseball field across the street.  We sat in the bleachers, and she instructed me on how to inhale without choking. I was like "Holy crap, I'm a REAL smoker now!"  I was frickin' giddy with excitement that I could smoke like the rest of the people that I looked up to.  And, that's were it all started, in my opinion.  Unfortunately, I cannot say I recall any redeeming qualities about this girl.  Despite her appearences, her house was much dumpier then the one I was living in. And, bless her heart, she allowed me to huff gasoline with her one time. Super! What a friend, right?
So that's 5th grade through middle school. I'll save high school for another day.  But exploring this leads me to wonder, was there ever an option, considering who these influential women in my life where, that I even had the chance to be a non smoker? It almost seems inevitable, especially with my desperation to fit in with who I thought was cool at the time.  Almost everyone I frickin' knew growing up, smoked. Hmmm, wonder how many still do?
I guess I'm technically into day 3 now, but I still haven't gone to sleep.  I don't know if insomnia is a side effect of the patch or not, but I haven't been sleeping well since I started this whole thing.  I'm too afraid to take the patch off until I know for sure that I'm ready for bed. I don't want that craving to catch up with me!